i started and i knew
what i was making was hideous
but i loved it nevertheless. it was my child deserving of a mothers love no matter how flawed and wicked it was. my art was my savior and my breath and my light. i burned it and broke it and covered it in layers of black tortured paint so that nothing underneath shone through. i kept pieces that i ripped to shreds and then tossed into the fire. the words being the last to burn.
some lived under my pillow fueling my dreams and recurring in my night terrors. especially when the moon was full.
the pieces moved me forward and then pushed me violently down the mountain moments before summiting. another lesson left to learn, a gift i could only curse at the time. it felt like a twirling upside down carnival ride. and it felt like floating on a warm still ocean just the same.
The dreams are coming fast and wild as of late.
Womb, water, hugs.
Breathing gelatinous fluid from alien suits.
Seeing darkness in people before anyone else does. And trying to speak of it.
Cliffs, waves and moon light.
Morning comes with a sense of burden and sadness. The act of letting go ebbs and flows within me. Some days I never think of it, other days it sits right below my throat heavy in my chest.
Crushing waves of self hatred.
Wrapped up in a yellow baby blanket.
Everything good is right here, right now. Love it, live it, believe it.
Feathers and fallen leaves
I am working on a new improved art journal offering this morning. (this has been haunting my mind for weeks!) Thinking about how to make it more fulfilling and to continue to grow and change. To help us all more deeply connect as we work on expressing our creative energy. In that work I have found a need for a more direct message in each session. One that may or may not show through our pages in the end, but is deeply rooted in our work. Growing, stretching, becoming.
Look for my new art journal offering in April. If you have journaled with me before this will be a way to grow further and deeper with new themes, ideas, techniques and connection. #growyourart #heartseedstudio #creativity #connection #community
Happy Monday! “Layers” is today’s prompt. Have a beautiful creative week❤️
This weeks prompt is “Trust”
Happy Monday to you creative hearts! Welcome my weekly journaling prompt for 2016. Whether it’s journaling, painting, crafting or singing. Small daily creative acts are a beautiful thing. ❤️ so the first prompt for 2016 is “Today I’m going to…” Please feel free to share your pages, thoughts or experiences with this prompt. Have an inspired week!
I want you to know
What you mean to me
The gifts I have received from you
How you have touched my life and given me strength
showed me openness
and the fact that being tiny sometimes is a protection
That it’s okay to shrink back on the days I need a rest
You taught me to persevere through it all
to look back and to not
To Learn from both the good and the bad
Ask the universe for the things I want
To find quiet when I need quiet
And to be heard when it matters most
Most of all you taught me it’s safe to be both loved and hated
Cherished and cast aside
Because it is in the darkness I deeply and utterly find the beauty of living with a broken heart
You have shattered me like no one else could
And it is beautiful